McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize