I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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