I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
