i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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