I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
