I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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