but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize