Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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