I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
