Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
