I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
