Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
