Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
