I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
