Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
