You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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