I just threw up on my dentist
I met the friendliest cop last night
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
