This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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