You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
