i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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