He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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