i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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