I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
