My first STD was from a foam party
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You are a genius and a whore.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize