I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
