i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
whose parrot is this?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
