question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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