My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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