She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
