Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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