But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
