Do you still have your period?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize