turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
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