I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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