I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
