I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I look better un-naked...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My ATM looks so different sober.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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