I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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