Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
