remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
