I wanna passion pit in your ass
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
