whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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