a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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