the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize