Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
