HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize