I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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