Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he thought i was a dude.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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