I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
