she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
