i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How naked do you want me to be?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
