The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
