Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Found the puke drawer
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
