she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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