Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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