OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
