I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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