I didn't shave. On purpose
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
