I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
COCAINE IS GR8
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
