Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
