My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
