Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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