Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
