she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
