R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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