Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
