Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
