You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just google imaged poop.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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