"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
