If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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