Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
