i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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