This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize