he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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