She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
