you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
high people should be assigned attendants
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
