Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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