things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
