She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
