I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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