In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
