Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
