2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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