i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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