My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
