When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
