Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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