Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
