I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
