He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
