just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
