Don't make out with my wife yet
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
