the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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