i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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