I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
