In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
