Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
