wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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