A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I seem to have left my pride at pride
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
