Kiss
Puke
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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