My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
