So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
