I love black thongs
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
