You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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